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[unionjackoff]

[there is a pause that has been recorded, unintentionally, followed by the sound of someone clearing his throat]

Uh. Hullo. This is Arthur Kirkland. Please leave a message. Or text. Or whatever...

[beep]

Comments

[unionjackoff]

You don't have to worry about that. I've been alive for over a thousand years and have never once had a unibrow. I find them absolutely dreadful.

[bakudanma]

... Thousands of years?
_{[ well okay then .. ]}

A-And you never had that problem? It can happen in an instant, Kirkland-san!
Guard your heart and your hair.

[unionjackoff]

You don't need to fret! With this new present from you, I will guard my hair well. [there are probably sparkles and a heroic background here]

[bakudanma]

_{[ He stands to his feet. Suddenly, he's absolutely okay. ]}

Thank you, Kirkland-san. I hope you enjoy the embroidery set.

I stole it from a lady in a rocking chair.
_{[ WHAT A TRANSITION. ]}

[unionjackoff]

[now England is wishing he didn't rip up his coupon.

for all of two seconds. until Katsura informs him of how he got his other gift]

I DON'T WANT A STOLEN GIFT!

[just when they were bonding, too]

[bakudanma]

You were only decent this year-- so you have yourself to blame.
The punishment fits the crime, and all of that.

Ah. She turned my heart down, anyway. She deserved it.
_{[ HOW MEAN. ]}

[unionjackoff]

I don't blame myself for something you stole! [it's impossible trying to reach Katsura, isn't it? ...but then England has an idea] Don't you know stealing puts you on Santa's naughty list?

[bakudanma]

I-Impossible! I am Santa Claus-- I wouldn't ever put myself on the naughty list!
...Would I?

[unionjackoff]

I don't know. If you're really Santa Claus, you can't hold yourself higher than other people. Everyone deserves to be on equal footing! That is how Santa Claus works!

[bakudanma]

Y-You're absolutely right! What have I done? Have a compromised Christmas!? Santa-dono cannot be put on the naughty list! A-And yet, the unlawful must be put to justice-- THE NAUGHTY LIST!!

_{[ He leans forward to bump his head against the door sill, leaving it there as he sulks. ]}

I'm a terrible Santa!!

[unionjackoff]

Yes, you are. [now he's just taking the piss at you.

and then] But you're a fine Katsura. [whatever you are]

[bakudanma]

_{[ He tilts his head to the side, still resting his forehead on the door sill. He's looking at England now though. ]}

Really?

_{[ oh. A little blush. ]}

[unionjackoff]

[d-don't blush at him! it's weird! England has to look away because he feels uncomfortable for some reason]

Only you can be you, obviously! So you're always going to be the best Katsura! Don't try to be Santa Claus!

[bakudanma]

_{[ He blushes easily. Sue him. ]}
I see. I think this is one of the most tasteful advice I have heard in awhile.
_{[ He pries his head away from the door sill. ]}

I needed to deliver the gift, though. It's part of the holiday spirit.

[unionjackoff]

Well... yes. That's acceptable. And. You did a good job with that. I guess. [delivering, he means. but England still does not approve of stealing from a little old lady. maybe once, a long time ago, that wouldn't have bothered him] Do you still have more to deliver?

[bakudanma]

I do!
_{[ He brightens. ]}
Plenty of children have been good this year, so I should be on my way!
_{[ And so, he turns, waving idly over his shoulder. ]}

Ha ha haaa, Merry Christmas!

[unionjackoff]

[god, he's still doing it. England sighs, stooping to pick up the voucher. and uncrumple it. maybe he will use it and see if it does it any good.

...but he's going to look for the old lady this embroidery kit belongs to later] Merry Christmas, Katsura.